OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
