she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
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