My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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