This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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