i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
