Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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