Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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