I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
