I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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