I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
