Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
