I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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