uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
