all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
