I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
