I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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