I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
