mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
North Korea, Best Korea!
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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