An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
