I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
