I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
