I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
