I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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