I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
