You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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