3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
