I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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