Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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