I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
