Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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