She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
