someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
