Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Sober January is a disaster.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
