i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
