I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
