its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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