What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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