Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
