We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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