i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
