saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
