Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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