The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
