i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I touched a dick in church today
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
