You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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