You're my little dorito
false alarm. still invincible.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
