Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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