I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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