You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
