Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
