I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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