allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
