Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
